dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
