I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
