I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
