I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
