I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
