she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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