When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
