you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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