Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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