glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
