what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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