I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here