I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms