i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
