When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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