Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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