he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
