the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
