i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My cat gives me a boner
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
