Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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