p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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