Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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