it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
