I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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