I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
