Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
