Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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