Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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