fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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