I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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