Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
