So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So here I am, sexting at work.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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