I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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