my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
