Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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