if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
