I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
