you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There r osticjed everywhere
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
