I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
