New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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