I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
