I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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