I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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