We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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