Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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