Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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