Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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