dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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