Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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