Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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