He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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