I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Panties = found
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
