I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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