Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Less talking, more tequila
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
