My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
