so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
