did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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