Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
