I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just blew my weed a kiss
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
