I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
