the day after is always just damage control
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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