Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
