Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
