I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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