Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
